I'm going to keep it short because boy I could (and likely am already) rambling about this. I want to say. It's a lot of f'ing work to heal yourself, but it's worth it. It's worth learning who you are, what makes you happy (please note that I said what not who), how you want to live your life, what things are important to you? Keeping your mind open to answering these things can lead to interesting discoveries and new beginnings. Perhaps you will stay, perhaps you won't, but in the end you better make damn sure you are better for it anyway and I know you can.
“better marriage”
I should have known
Growth. Spirit. It’s easy to forget that it takes work to grow. The tree has to reach underground to grow tall, just like we have to reach inside to allow ourselves to change. Be like water I used to tell myself. Adjust to the new things in life and be like water. Strong, able to carve valleys. Things will work out better than I can even imagine I would tell myself. In many ways they have, even though I should have known.
Ever heard of Imago?
What I like is that no matter what is happening in your marriage, if you can truly get to the patterns and understand what you are triggered by, this will help you grow as a person.