What you think and feel isn’t always right or true 

“I need a t-shirt with a cool heart outline/image that says “gritty” inside of it. “Gritty heart” – A heart that can bear heavy loads, travel across barren lands, and reach summits while still sharing and filling up the world with love.” -AYA

AYA

Whaaaat? Did your stomach and brain bristle at the idea that what you think and feel isn’t always “true”? Perhaps it triggered some visceral feelings because you aren’t ready to hear it. That’s ok – you can scroll down – or choose to skip to the next section and see how you feel later. If you’re still reading but thinking, that statement does not ring true with what mommy taught me when I skinned a knee. I felt like it hurt- it did hurt – so my feelings of pain and my thought about it hurting was in fact true. Yes. Yes. I hear you. You are right about that. There are many times your thoughts and feelings are true – very true, for you, you when you decide they are. There are also times you make your perspective truth when perhaps there are many other ways to perceive that would suit you and your desires much more firmly – and there are times you choose to believe feelings that snuck in there for reasons you don’t even realize, like you’re hungry and tired. 

It’s not that your feelings are actually untrue – it’s just that they may be passing or based on a perception you are choosing to make – or a story you are choosing to tell yourself. 

Examples

The example you may have heard before is the crazy driver in traffic. You can choose to perceive that the driver is an asshole of epic proportions and driving like a dip wad to piss you off – to provide you with a personal affront. Or you could choose to perceive that the dip wad is trying to get home because his wife just went into labor. OR you could choose to perceive the dip wad is driving like he is because he is in a state of consciousness where he perceives all traffic as a personal affront to his life – while you maintain your zen peaceful vibes as he cuts you off. When you feel pissed off at this guy – you are indeed feeling pissed off that is true. (And important and valid) what could be untrue is that you don’t actually need to feel that way. Perhaps assuming that the driver has a different intent could help you feel better? (Think here of all of those fancy things you know about stress levels – its negative impact on the body and all that jazz. Think about how you may be doing your mind a favor – you’re doing your body one too!)  

Preteen crush

Once when I was a preteen, I had a crush on a kid in school. I was a pretty dorky looking preteen – think tomboy tallish strong girl who also happened to be nerdy smart at that age. The school only has about 50 kids in each grade. Everyone knew everyone. We were on the bus on the way back from a field trip. The boy was sitting behind me on the bus. I kept thinking about him the entire time. At one point, he reached his hand over to my seat and said something. I, assuming he was talking sweet nothings, reached out and grabbed his hand to hold it! Haaaaa! He was actually asking to borrow my jacket. How far I was off on my kid crush thoughts that day! Yes insert all the awkward feelings you can think of here. Those feelings were definitely true for me that day, but my thoughts were obviously dead wrong. My hope is you got a chuckle out it. The truth is, I doubt the boy thought anything of it. To him, it wasn’t anything that stuck in his mind. Reframing the story as an adult, it’s pretty funny. A little bit of over thinking and wishful thinking of a kid perhaps?  

Everyone tells the truth eventually! Right?

One more example of how our feeling and thinking aren’t always right is being cheated on. I was married for about nine years when I faced it. As it was unfolding – I felt he was lying, but believed him anyway. Guess what my thoughts said to me? Instead of me knowing that I was indeed correct about his bs, my thoughts turned inward. Thoughts like, I am not good enough to make him happy. I need to read books and figure it out. I need to do better. This was during the time I suspected something was up, but he kept denying it. Duh in hindsight, but dear reader go easy on people who this happens to. They had assumptions and trust in said partners. In my case my thoughts about life included a view that people will always always eventually tell the truth. Are some of you laughing out loud reading that? I bet! I truly held that paradigm about life. It took almost 13 years of marriage and dealing with two mistresses (that I know of) – one of whom pretended to be a man and emailed me at work telling me my husband was cheating – to break that thought paradigm. Think about what that thought did for me. It kept me looking internally for what was wrong, it kept me thinking eventually he will share the truth with me openly, and blaming myself. Once I realized I even had this thought pattern and that it wasn’t actually true – boy did that help me move the F on! To this day I have to remind myself that not everyone eventually tells the truth if they made a choice to lie.

Ways to Check Your Thoughts and Feelings

• Byron Katie worksheets. Take a read through this site about how you can ask yourself excellent questions about your thoughts and feelings.   
• Ask yourself and possibly write them down – all of the other reasons someone could have done something choosing as many positive ones as you can. 
• Decide – and really mean it – that you don’t give a flying F…igurine why something happened and choose to let it go. Does letting go mean that you stuff your feelings down? Nope, it means sitting there, asking yourself what you are feeling and feeling it. You can even say to yourself, “I’m feeling very disheartened.” Touch the or say the spot in your body where you are feeling those feelings then you might decide to say, “I am choosing to let this feeling go.”
• Work it out. You might be a person who needs to walk it or work it out. Exercise.
• Talk to someone if it helps, but don’t get into victim mode and complain.
• Read a helpful book or lovely book. Here are a few:
  • I only say this because I love you.
  • The Prophet
  • Your Erroneous Zones
• Listen to a podcast or meditation. *Once I take the time to set up a channel I’ll link to the so many excellent items I use on YouTube. So so many good things. Find what eases your emotions.
• Use an affirmation I use a variety of affirmations which you can find more information about on this post. In case you don’t have time to go read it, a good go to when upset is, “All is well”. Easy and reaffirming.